Destroying a Village: 4/1/2019

For the past several months I have been pouring over data that I’ve been secretly gathering via a network of spies. Years worth of gamer feedback, complaints, and demands – all neatly packed and collated for my consumption

What have I concluded from the data? You don’t want a fun and relaxing game. You hate exploring a world filled with oddities and secrets. You loath the idea of making friends – with monsters or otherwise.

What you really want… is bone-crushing difficulty and hyper-realistic survival features.

Introducing: Hard Mode

By default, new games will now start out at Hard Mode– this is the way Village Monsters is intended to be played.

I have one goal with Hard Mode: to create a world where nobody feels welcome or loved. Here are some of the changes:

  • Hunger, Thirst, Fatigue, Stress, and Bathroom meters have been added to the game. You must prevent these from bottoming out or risk game over
  • Villagers start out with a new disposition called Spiteful. Each villager requires several increases in friendship before they stop attacking you on sight
  • Purchasing a home in the village now requires at least 3-5 years of steady employment, good credit, $500,000 worth of homeowners insurance, and a 30% down payment
  • You must now control each limb of your character separately in order to walk or run
  • Failing the fishing minigame will result in losing your rod. Villagers will mock your lack of a fishing rod with a sing-song chant
  • Several items in the store now result in instant death upon purchase
The radius of your torch has been adjusted for immersion

Veteran gamers who no longer wear diapers or use pacifiers may even wish to bump up the difficulty to Nightmare. The hardest difficulty, The Name You Must Never Say, starts out locked for your safety. But it cannot stay contained forever. Even now I can hear it gnawing at its cage, hungry for freedom.

Easier difficulties can be unlocked via the upcoming $99.99 Season Pass. You may also unlock these difficulties by providing proof of purchase of Kirby’s Epic Yarn for the Nintendo Wii.

THE 3DS REMAKE DOES NOT COUNT.

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